No Regrets

No regrets sounds like the title of a movie except that I haven't seen the movie.  I live it.  

I have recently had a chance to review my life because I have made tough and courageous decisions to protect my integrity and to follow my heart.  I know these were the right decisions but in some ways they also brought me to the edge of the abyss.  On one side of the road lie lots of opportunities and on the other one there is a deep hole where I can't even see the ground.  There are a lot of clouds (that's how high in the mountain I am) below me on this side of the road.   On the other side of the road, I don't know whether I'll find the gate of opportunities open although I have been walking for months to find it.

It's been a tough road and a great one at the same time.  A tough road because I have been living in a mix of hard work, hope, and disappointment since I started this trek.   Some people have disappointed me again and again.  Others are consistently amazing and helpful to me.  I keep finding that what prevails in organizations is a general malaise comprised of lack of business ethics and caring about others.  While that is a reality, just like I focus on finding the open gate of opportunities instead of looking at the darkness on the other side of the road,  there are also incredible people in those organizations as well.

I remember coaching someone that worked for me on why disclosing others' personal information gained as a result of work was not acceptable.  I told him that it was a matter of integrity although it seemed that integrity had different definitions in this team that I was not aware of - and his response was focused on yes, there is more than one definition of integrity.  I was being facetious when I said there may be more than one definitions of integrity than what I knew.  I only  have one definition for integrity and I will stick to that.  Integrity to me is consistently being honest and true to yourself and others.  That covers everything.  

I believe it all starts at home.  Kids learn early on what is acceptable behavior and what is not acceptable.  Lying to your parents or to teachers is not acceptable.  Cheating is not acceptable.  Telling on your friends should not be acceptable unless one finds out they may be planning something destructive.

So while my decisions have always been on the side of my truth and integrity so far the price I have paid has been high.  I would do the same things again because I have to live with myself.

I love living on the edge.  I wonder how many of my decisions are propelled by my need to be a peaceful warrior and also be on the edge.

Let's see how this movie ends...