The Chosen Path

I am a strong believer in therapy.  I went three times to three different therapists for short periods of time.  Therapy wasn't something I needed to do for the rest of my life although I realize there are some extreme situations where people go 2-3 times a week for years.

The value of therapy for me was to be able to talk through what I was experiencing at the time.  The first time I went was because I broke up with someone that I was very close to - breaking up was the only option I had as the guy I was seeing was mostly unavailable both emotionally and physically.  I learned then that I had been attracted to this guy because he reminded me of my father.  I did recognize this was true.

I then went to therapy again when I was working for someone that was mentally ill.  Instead of suggesting that my manager go to therapy - he would have probably fired me - I went to therapy because working for someone that was so out of his mind was extremely hard to deal with on a daily basis.  He would stand outside of my office peering in and would talk for about two hours non-stop.  This was constant.  He had hired me to create a "strategy" and when I joined the team I found out that he had a strategy already.  A very flawed strategy.  As a result of his mental issues he lied about people in his team, including me.  I wasn't able to deal with this situation effectively but therapy helped me realize that I had options.  As incredible as that may sound,  I didn't know I had options.  That in itself was an extremely valuable lesson that I never forgot.  I moved on to another job within the same company where I was extremely successful.

Then I went to therapy a third time when I moved to another state in the U.S.   The whole experience of moving was a very good experience from a personal growth perspective but I did put myself at risk professionally and personally.  While the growth involved was invaluable I do wonder sometimes on the value of being blissfully ignorant.  I was unhappy before I moved but I was also mostly unconscious.

I replaced therapy with yoga.  That may sound unbelievable but it is true.  Being more evolved now than I was before I decided to move from New York  is primarily a result of doing yoga and being very disciplined about my meditations.  I don't miss a day unless something extreme happens and I can't physically do the four meditations I do every day (including the meditation on fear I posted in Uncertainty and Fear on January 24th).  I see the difference in myself so I cannot stop.  I still feel stress and get frustrated but it is probably a fraction of what I would feel if I wasn't meditating.  I am more balanced and certainly more conscious.

Being conscious is tough.  It demands everything from me.  I cannot hide from myself - ever.  It's like being in a war all the time.  The war is with myself.  Even when you do not engage in battle you know there's a war out there.   People and circumstances keep testing me.  The challenging part is that you never really win,  you just advance.  There is no win and there is no final destination.  You do get the insights of how you advance and that's the gift.  That and showing others a different way of looking at their lives.  While I wouldn't advocate the opposite - being unconscious and blissfully ignorant - the chosen path requires both bravery, strength and single-minded focus.  As any warrior would, I sometimes get frustrated and tired of it.

For a few days this week,  I am taking a furlough.  Peace, love and fun.  And sun to warm the body and soul.  And I will keep on doing my meditations...