Jarring...

I'm still recovering from the experience of moving out of my apartment and all the complications that ensued, including having to change plans of where I would stay after the move at the last possible minute. The entire experience was jarring, painful and even violent at some levels.  During my last night in New York I didn't know if I was going to make it through the night.  My nerves were on edge to an extreme level, similar to the image in picture above.  I have no idea how I made it to the plane the following morning.

I looked up the definition of "nervous breakdown" a couple of days ago to see if that fit with what I experienced but apparently that applies to so many different diagnoses, who knows?  All I know is that the experience was extremely difficult.

I am very happy to be in Florida with nice, warm, weather and with welcoming friends...I moved temporarily into a friend's apartment that faces the ocean.  Having water so close is very soothing to me.  I am lucky to have the ocean so near, it's right in front of me.  Can't wait to swim in it.  But I miss home.  I miss New York.  How I feel sort of reminds me of when ET was plaintively saying, "ET, go home".  On the other hand, maybe New York isn't even my home.  I know the answer already.  Home is not in this planet.  Any way you slice it, I am confused about what the word "home" means to me in this planet.

I haven't figured out everything that happened yet.  Will I ever figure what I want to figure out?  That is the question of my life.  So many questions, so few answers.  Figuring out to me would include understanding all the dynamics of what happened in New York, I only understand partially what went on.  What I totally don't understand are the spiritual implications of it all.  And, that my friend, is the most important part to figure out.

If we believe in the soul, the soul is all knowing, it knows everything already.  But at least in my case, my soul is not always conversing with me allowing me to I understand the contracts and agreements I made before arriving in this world.

So I remain confused and in pain.  Bruised.

All I ask for are messages from my guides and angels to put me in the right direction, whatever that may be.  But please put me in the right direction towards happiness...enough of everything else!  Really!

I have been receiving some messages and I have followed through on them - let's see where they lead.