Shaima Ghassaniya and King Abdullah

Love and Peace Symbol (Arabic)

I am writing about this topic with the utmost respect for Saudi Arabia and the rest of the Arab countries.   I admire them and their culture tremendously.  It has been more difficult to admire their past policies towards women or to admire the people that have taken their religious beliefs to an extreme where love and compassion are not present.  It is fair to say that all religions have suffered from extremism, but I don't want to digress as this post is about women.

It is extremely encouraging to see that King Abdullah pardoned Shaima Jastania (also spelled Ghassaniya) who was sentenced to 10 lashes earlier this week because she was caught driving.  After all, it's just a matter of time before women are allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia.  Saudi Arabia is known for its conservative stance towards women, I believe they are not allowed to be in public unless they are with a male family member, either a husband or a relative.  However, there are forward-looking Arab leaders in the royal family who have advanced women's rights in Saudi Arabia such as Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal (founder and CEO of the very successful Kingdom Holding Company) who attended United States universities.  Even though he is the head of his Foundation, there are women - including his wife - with key positions in running the Foundation.  The work of the Foundation is truly admirable and hope to work with them one day - as I intend to create a company focused on women one day.

Change will take place slowly because for many centuries there has been widespread belief that women do not have the same rights as men.  I commend King Abdullah for not only pardoning Shaima Jastania but also for his decree issued a few days ago that women have the right to vote and to run for local political seats. There are many very intelligent and admirable women in Saudi Arabia and in other Arab countries that are able to contribute significantly to the betterment of society.

Change.  Wonderful to see it coming to Saudi Arabia in such a positive way for women!

Jarring...

I'm still recovering from the experience of moving out of my apartment and all the complications that ensued, including having to change plans of where I would stay after the move at the last possible minute. The entire experience was jarring, painful and even violent at some levels.  During my last night in New York I didn't know if I was going to make it through the night.  My nerves were on edge to an extreme level, similar to the image in picture above.  I have no idea how I made it to the plane the following morning.

I looked up the definition of "nervous breakdown" a couple of days ago to see if that fit with what I experienced but apparently that applies to so many different diagnoses, who knows?  All I know is that the experience was extremely difficult.

I am very happy to be in Florida with nice, warm, weather and with welcoming friends...I moved temporarily into a friend's apartment that faces the ocean.  Having water so close is very soothing to me.  I am lucky to have the ocean so near, it's right in front of me.  Can't wait to swim in it.  But I miss home.  I miss New York.  How I feel sort of reminds me of when ET was plaintively saying, "ET, go home".  On the other hand, maybe New York isn't even my home.  I know the answer already.  Home is not in this planet.  Any way you slice it, I am confused about what the word "home" means to me in this planet.

I haven't figured out everything that happened yet.  Will I ever figure what I want to figure out?  That is the question of my life.  So many questions, so few answers.  Figuring out to me would include understanding all the dynamics of what happened in New York, I only understand partially what went on.  What I totally don't understand are the spiritual implications of it all.  And, that my friend, is the most important part to figure out.

If we believe in the soul, the soul is all knowing, it knows everything already.  But at least in my case, my soul is not always conversing with me allowing me to I understand the contracts and agreements I made before arriving in this world.

So I remain confused and in pain.  Bruised.

All I ask for are messages from my guides and angels to put me in the right direction, whatever that may be.  But please put me in the right direction towards happiness...enough of everything else!  Really!

I have been receiving some messages and I have followed through on them - let's see where they lead.  

Integrity

According to some studies out there, moving is supposed to be the most stressful activity one may tackle, other than going through a death in the family.  It's high up in the food chain of situations causing a significant amount of stress.

I started my move a few months ago in various phases.  The first phase consisted of donating or throwing things out depending on their condition, shredding documents that were of no use to me anymore, etc., etc.  A friend told me yesterday she didn't think I had that much stuff to go through but that is because she didn't see the closet space (stuffed with things) I had.  A month before the move I called the movers, started the storage space selection process and focused on the logistics of the move.  The building's staff was incredibly helpful, while they had the right to show my apartment during the last 30 days I was there, they didn't show it to anybody.  Who does that?  Only an amazing set of people.  Everyone in the building was extremely helpful.

I have moved a few times but this was the most painful move of all.  It may have to do with the fact that New York is a vortex of energy and everything and anything is more complicated and hard.  It may also have to do with the overall level of help and support I received from my friends and family in New York.

The first few moves I had were handled by the company I was working for at the time. Some of my friends helped tremendously with the personal things I didn't want the moving company to handle.  I didn't ask for help, my friends offered their help and wouldn't take no for an answer.  In a more recent example, when I moved from California to New York a few years ago, I had three friends that helped me a lot, especially one that made it a point to be present and to offer her help at all times.  Unconditionally.  She was very busy with her life but still made sure she was there for me.  I appreciated it and in the process of moving, we had a lot of fun as well.  So I must say that my experience with moves - particularly my move from California to New York - ranked high as a positive experience.

That is until this move.  I had decided to put things in storage so that I could be free to take a job wherever it appeared without being encumbered by the lease of an apartment and what breaking it would entail.  One friend offered help and I accepted, he was very helpful and I helped him as well by paying him for his time and effort.  My brother offered help for a couple of days and was helpful but in the end it was not a pleasant experience.  He couldn't help reacting to my move in a very negative way.  He tends to do that when his sense of security is threatened by someone that doesn't live in fear. The rest of my friends were busy with their own lives and priorities or traveling out of the country.

In this time frame, my aunt became ill and while it didn't seem she was gravely ill, she died during the last week of the move so she was definitely seriously ill.  I was so busy I couldn't even call her as she was expecting.  The rest of the family was focused on her well-being and I knew that - I should have called her anyway.  Thankfully, I believe that she is more present in my life in spirit than when she was alive but it still weighs on me that I didn't call her.   Those are the things in life - major mistakes one makes - that one has to live with and learn from so that one may give the right priority to choices one makes on a day-to-day basis.  No matter how crazy busy and stressed I was there is no excuse I can come up with for not calling her and giving her moral support.  She needed that support and I should have thought of that instead of selfishly thinking only about myself and my stress.  There is always someone in more need than I am, it's very important to remember that.  So I have no excuse for not calling her and helping her.  None.

I won't go into other details that compounded what was a very difficult situation because I dealt with them separately.  Suffice to say that instead of being in New York for a few more weeks, I had to leave New York to New Jersey first and then to Florida.  Those options appeared miraculously - without me asking for anything - in a timespan of about 24 hours.  It felt - and feels today - as if my angels swooped me up saying, "Don't worry, you are protected, we are here".  That is the only explanation I have about those miracles showing up for me when I was having a hard time thinking straight.

My assessment of the whole situation is that people - and I am included in the definition of "people" - show who they are by how they behave particularly under stressful situations.  It helps to get through confusing situations if one has a bit of empathy (please read my view on it, Empathy on August 4th).  I certainly demonstrated no empathy for my aunt. And, being a highly sensitive person doesn't mean one may forget that others are sensitive as well.  We are all in this together.  Everyone involved learned something from the experience, me included.  Waiting for a train for what seemed hours yesterday, these lyrics from a Beatles' song came to mind:

"And in the end,
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make."

I am proud I followed my intuition and my heart to guide me in what was an incredibly stressful and muddled situation as most moves are...I am also proud I expressed what I thought about how I felt whenever possible which also requires courage.   Most people are uncomfortable and aren't used to others stating how they feel about something and for the most part take that input personally.  Stating how one feels is a personal statement and it has nothing to do with the other person - not everyone understands that fact.  If someone takes how someone else feels personally it's up to that person to learn something about himself/herself in the process.

Courage.  To be who you are and state your truth.  I don't seem to be able to compromise with my truth.  It's not good or bad but it is who I am and it comes at a price.  It also has its own reward.

I'm including something I read years ago when the subject of personal integrity became very important to me:


The Light of Integrity by Heraclitus

“The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the full light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose what you think and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny, it is the light that guides your way.”

September 11th: The Day New York Changed and Those Heroic Firefighters...

Ladder 1, Engine 7:  The Miracle House

Today I feel pain.  An unbearable amount of pain.  As a New Yorker, September 11th is a day never to be forgotten despite the pain it brings back.

I was in California that fateful day.  I had an interview around 7:00 a.m. Pacific time, 10:00 a.m. New York time.  The executive I was interviewing was in New York but didn't know clearly what was going on and neither did I.  I knew that something horrible had happened because two friends from New York had called me right around the time the first plane hit. They had heard the plane fly very low next to their apartments.  My television had been stolen by the movers that moved me from New York and I hadn't bought a new one.  I had to go to a friend's house in Hermosa Beach to find out what had happened.  All I remember is watching the sight of the towers coming down and each single time I would say "I don't believe it, I don't believe it".  That's all I could say because it was beyond belief to see those towers come down.

 I was supposed to go to New York on September 12th.  All flights were cancelled.  I took the first flight out which was on Saturday morning, September 16th.  I wasn't afraid.  I brought a cable with me to fight off any potential hijackers on the plane - I felt ready.

When I got to New York, I immediately headed to my friend's apartment in Soho, blocks away from the World Trade Center.  I could see the flames and the smoke all the way from 34th Street.  As I got closer to where the towers used to be, I could feel the particles of the buildings in my throat.  Restaurants in Soho were offering champagne to everyone that passed by.  I had a glass in the name of all the victims.

All those people, all that suffering...it's very hard.  A war against civilians.  It couldn't be more cowardly to go after unarmed civilians.  A woman that left her children at school minutes ago before going to work, a man that traveled from Europe to meet with colleagues at the World Trade Center, another woman that was late to work and missed the attack because she met a celebrity on her way to work (all true stories of the 3,000 plus people that didn't survive the attack.  Father Mychal Judge not able to give  reassuring looks to those unbelievably brave firemen.  It breaks my heart in ways too difficult to express.

New York is my city.  I didn't grow up in New York but spent many important, formative years, in New York.  I remember living in New York city as a 15-year old, not knowing what it all meant, not really communicating with the skyscrapers.  And having difficulty communicating with people as I came with a European accent.  They didn't know what I was saying, I didn't want to hear what they were saying.

Yet New York is an amazing city.  Full of all kinds of people, you can spot at least 10 nationalities in a small radius of New York.  You hear all kinds of languages, most I can recognize but others remain foreign.

And New York people, innocent people, were destroyed by cowards.  Cowards that chose the dark side of religion to destroy others.

Very painful.

So many people showed their invincible and infinite spirits that day.  It is an incredible sad and inspiring day about the power inside each human being.  Those brave and beautiful souls - the firemen - that walked up interminable staircases to save others and those that stopped on their way down as they were going to safety to help those that couldn't move out of fear or because they had been burnt or hurt in the attack.  I saw the documentary about Ladder 1, Engine 7 tonight...one of the many firehouses that face death every single day in order to save other people's lives.  It is called the Miracle House because none of the men in Ladder 1, Engine 7 died on September 11th.  However, there are lingering effects from September 11th related to toxic fumes that the heroic and brave firefighters inhaled as they were trying to recover the remains of the victims of 9/11.  There are many that died as a result of inhaling those fumes.  They are also victims of 9/11.

That's what life is about.  Life and death next to each other.  Our last breadth could be in ten more minutes or less.  Miracles, courage, and an invincible spirit.  And a profound homage to those that didn't make it but are in heaven, proud to have made this beautiful city a place where hearts beat in unison on behalf of others.

Love to all, peace to all...and profound thanks to the heroes of 9/11, many of whom no one knows about.

If you feel inspired to donate to the Firefighters Association, here is the link:  http://www.ufalocal94.org.