Today

Today is all we have.

And that is the truth.  I have been worrying about what will happen in September or October.  What a waste of time.  I can't predict it.  No one can.

Even though I have tried to get a glimpse of the future, it's a very flawed endeavor.  Things change.  Maybe for good reason.  Is it the planets?  Is it destiny?  Is it because my energy is not aligned so no matter what I do I will not move forward?  Is it Mercury Retrograde which lasts until the end of August?  Who knows which one of these forces are at work?

All I know is that I am able to plan for TODAY.  And even that sometimes doesn't go as planned.  Yes, there is a minimum of planning that must occur, saving money for an important expenditure we know it's coming, making sure surgery is not scheduled the day my sister is getting married, etc.  Other than that, what I am feeling these days about my future is as if I'm looking down a cauldron where a tornado is raging.  It's a little bit like looking into a large crystal ball only it's a big cauldron where things are happening.  There is an element of destruction involved.  Will my house be standing?  Will my car still be in the garage? There is also an element of renewal.  Why not think that starting from nothing is part of the excitement?  I could reinvent myself.  I wouldn't have "things" to worry about, no structures like home or office to consider.  Freedom.  The ultimate aphrodisiac.  I'm so ready to fly.  I'm always ready to fly.

I know there will be change in the landscape after the tornado passes but I have no idea what it will look like.  It's not easy.  As much as you brainwash yourself to believe, to have faith, to be optimistic...it's not easy.

When is the tornado over so that I can get a glimpse of the new landscape is what I say? While glimpses don't appear and signs are not apparent, I'm creating my own view of what it could look like.  In the meantime, I must focus on right now.

So today is going well.  I must refocus on the brainwashing part of the equation.  I will get through it all.  And then I'll look into the cauldron and see this beautiful garden, full of flowers of all sizes and colors.

Maybe my pink elephants will be there.  My pink elephants.  I miss you so.