Thanks Irene!

Around 9:45 a.m. Battery Park City, all pictures taken near or at the World Financial Center (North Cove)

Fortunately, Irene's mood switched for the better and she moved East from New York City.  Therefore, the dire predictions were not met.   Seems some people in selected areas had some flooding but no loss of life was reported in the Northeast so far.  That would be tragic and those tragedies have occurred in other cities and countries during a hurricane!

Mayor Bloomberg bet on the side of caution - as he should in order to prevent loss of lives - and attempted to evacuate 370,000 people in the low-lying areas.  Most people heeded this warning.  I didn't know that a mandatory evacuation was a law so I followed my intuition and stayed.  He said people would not be forced out so I took that to mean that there was a level of choice involved.  I found out late last night that it represented breaking the law when it was too late.  I would never knowingly break the law.

Somehow I knew that I would be fine.  I sensed inside that there would not be major issues.  I was prepared for loss of electricity and water but knew that I was not going to be in any kind of danger.  I did avoid most of the news except for occasional updates to prevent getting scared without reason.  The news many times are sensational.  A friend asked that I sleep in the bathtub but because I felt so safe, I slept in my bed, like a baby.

This morning, I woke up at 6:00 a.m., checked progress with the storm, saw that it had weakened and went back to bed until 8:00 a.m.  The strongest impact of Irene was felt in New York City around 8:00 a.m.  At around 9:30 a.m. I took a walk by the river.  Everything quiet, wind strong but have felt stronger wind in this area. About two and a half feet between the height of the river and land so no danger of flooding.  Seems that at the height of the storm some flooding did occur by the debris left by the river (sad that there is so much debris in the Hudson!) but it didn't go far and it was only in a very small area.

Such a beautiful area and yet the river has garbage.  Any garbage in a river is so sad to see!

I was very worried about the boats but fortunately no damage and apparently no water in the boats. This shows the height of the water right by the boats:

After walking for about 45 minutes a New York Police van came by asking people to leave the area.  They are afraid of the unexpected and they err on the side of caution which is fine.  That's when I left.  No sense in more civil disobedience!

Felt so safe!  Enjoying the last few days in my beautiful home!  

Irene

Photo of Jersey City from Battery Park City last fall (2010)

Irene is coming to New York tomorrow and she's not in a good mood.  Seems she's caused havoc already south of New York so New Yorkers are bracing for her wrath.  She could, of course, change her mind, and move further East than expected.  She's unpredictable, though...so we'll have to see what happens.

New York is not used to these kind of weather patterns.  We are certainly used to really extreme weather in terms of ridiculously low or high temperatures in the winter and summer months respectively but an "earthquake" or a "hurricane" is not part of the vernacular.  We have had both an earthquake and now a hurricane just in the span of 7 days.  

There is an impressive display of organization and effective communication from the governments affected by Irene which in the Northeast includes what we call the Tri-State area:  New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.  All the mayors have appealed to the public to evacuate when asked to evacuate and to prepare for Irene's arrival.

I'm prepared.  I am not afraid.  Ready to sleep in the bathtub if necessary although I hear I may need the bathtub for water.  Most of all, preparing move out of my building which is a few days away.  My intuition is that Irene will take pity on us New Yorkers and veer to the right.

Crossing my fingers.

In contrast to a photo I took of the Jersey City almost a year ago posted above, here is a picture earlier today (at around noon):

Jersey City from Battery Park City at noon, the day before Irene's arrival (noon)

Believe in Yourself

From:  mediatoget.blogspot.com

I have been working on decoding what believing in myself means.  While I know this may take a life-time, I keep working on it.

Sometimes it's easier to start to define something by determining what it doesn't mean. Believing in myself doesn't mean working hard towards a goal.  It doesn't mean waking up at a certain time and following a rigorous discipline to feel I am accomplishing something during a given day.  It also doesn't mean meeting with people and talking about where I am headed and what I want.

It is a very subtle and complex process.  After all, life is not easy.  Whatever the process is, it's probably a combination of doing and being. One has to be disciplined in doing what one needs to do to get to one's goals.   But the most important discipline of all is taking the time to "be".  And, "being" means that you take the time to enjoy the present and live the moment without fear.  It means having an unwavering belief that you can do anything.  That you can create your future the way you want to and that all you do - whatever that may be - will get you there.  It also means that you don't beat yourself up when you don't accomplish all you (or others) think you should have achieved in a day, or a week, or in 8 months.  It means making a fool of yourself when you answer the wrong question in any group game and not feel you have become stupid all of a sudden.  Or thinking that because you didn't choose a creative answer you are no longer creative as you have always been.

The question is how to maintain that belief in yourself.  Affirmations definitely help. Repeating a certain affirmation that you create and repeat on a daily basis to yourself or whenever during the day you feel the negative tape starting to run in your mind again.

As an example, I have been throwing out a lot of stuff from my apartment that serves no purpose.  Mainly, I am getting rid of papers which I kept because the past in some ways gives me comfort.  However, a lot of negative thoughts crept up as I was reading some of the documents since they brought back bad memories.  So today I am repeating,  "I am willing to forgive everyone and heal my past."  I am also repeating, "I have the power to create the life I want."  I also create affirmations at random depending on the circumstance.  It keeps the negative tape on  mute.  It's a war!  I have definitely declared war to negative thinking.

Living in the moment helps in a period of transition.  Transitions are good, particularly once the transition is over, and while one is going through them the best is to enjoy the present. That is the only thing that is certain. If you are interested on more thoughts regarding the period when you are crossing the bridge from one place to one you have never visited before, please read Transition on May 15th.

Reading some of what Louise Hay has written has helped me tremendously at times over the past few years.  She wrote several books about healing yourself (www.louisehay.com) through positive affirmations and intentions.  I first wrote about her in my post Stress, on April 28th.  I accessed her website today and the download she offers for free "Stress Free" is still available.  It helps.  I am a strong believer in using absolutely anything that helps in life.

I'm not giving up...I'd be giving up in myself and my own power.

We are able to overcome everything.  We can create a bountiful and blissful life!

To Roam...

I believe there is a perfect order in each of our lives.  Even as I have embarked on the tedious and laborious process of moving from my beloved home, I realize that there is something better ahead.  Something different that will make me as happy or more than today.

Moving is not fun at all.  It is incredibly disrupting both in terms of the physical aspects as well as it breaks one's concentration on whatever one is focused on at the time.  I'm still focused on identifying the right job opportunity which in itself is quite time-consuming - it's akin to a full-time job.  I'm also focused on creating a company which involves quite a bit of reading, assimilating, imagining, thinking, etc., etc.  It's a lot of work but it's enjoyable.

Only thing I have been able to come up as enjoyable about moving is discarding stuff that one forgets even exists in some corner of the closet that has absolutely no use to me anymore.  Maybe it has use for someone else so if it's in good condition, I have been donating these items.  Getting rid of things allows the new to come in.

The most important message I have been getting is that because there is a perfect order in everything in my life, this is the right step.  It's exciting not to know what comes next.  In many ways, it's what similar to the work I like to do best - creating the future.  It's also very good not to be constrained by structural issues such as an apartment and belongings - I am once again free to roam.  I need that in this lifetime.

Getting the chance to roam again and explore...how lucky!  The challenge will be about making the right choices to make sure I end up with the right job, in the perfect place...so it is about roaming in the sense that I will have less things that tie me down but it will be about roaming with a clear sense of direction and focus so that I get there.  I realize there is a danger in losing the focus so that's a real challenge going forward.

Roaming and staying focused...are they compatible?  I guess I'll find out...

Compassion

Just as I finished my post on Empathy yesterday where I expressed my feelings about my brother's lack of empathy, I felt compassion for him creeping in.  That's one of the weaknesses of those of us born under the rule of the Moon.   We have, for the most part, a soft heart.

I wish that was true of others as well.  Being ruled by one's heart has its amazing benefits and its hurtful outcomes as well.  Isn't duality part of everything?  I am also a very sensitive human being, mostly everything around me affects me.  That is tough.  Movies, TV, books I read, people I meet, music I hear,  etc.  I have to constantly monitor what I am exposed to in order to be able to manage the amount of suffering I feel.  Which is why when encountering someone like my brother - and there are others like him - with rough edges that pierce the skin, those wounds take time to heal.

And then, despite lack of consciousness from my brother of how I may feel as a result of his stinging words,  compassion for him creeps in.  I don't think he knows any better.  He has no clue.  Which doesn't mean that his behavior is justified.  I also don't feel the responsibility to teach him.  I must always speak up to defend myself but not with the intention to change him.  Whatever compels him to be so hurtful runs very deep.  As perfect as we can be, we are also flawed human beings.  I accepted years ago one cannot change anybody.  It's like an addiction, the addict has to want and decide to change himself or herself.  The key is not to enable destructive behavior regardless of what that is.

So love and compassion win the day.  Compassion is probably the one element that gives the world a chance to be saved. The  fact that, no matter how hurtful someone else may be towards us, we are able to forgive and move forward is healing.  It's healing towards ourselves and healing towards others.  It heals the world.

I humbly claim absolutely no credit for feeling compassion.  Just as I feel pain when someone is insensitive and cruel towards me, feeling compassion is not something I am able to control.  It just sneaks in and surprises me.  Just as I feel unconditional love for him although it is my responsibility to take care of myself in the midst of his unconsciousness.  Compassion is a feeling I welcome.  It doesn't mean I'm better than anyone.  I have no idea what it means.  It is what it is.

I can guarantee it's much better than feeling resentful!

Empathy

In the context of how people are so different as I wrote in my post Judgment on August 1st , I have come to accept that some people don't have the capacity for empathy.  Rather than categorize them as being mentally ill - I recall that lack of empathy is a symptom for mental illness - I feel sad for them.  My guess is that most people avoid them.  It is hurtful to encounter them in life. It is particularly hurtful when one of these people is a family member.

My older brother and I were talking about my job prospects last week.  Out of nowhere (since I had not mentioned the topic nor did I intend to do so) he said that his money was tied up, that he couldn't lend me any.  I was so shocked at his comment that I didn't say anything.  In reality, I don't feel comfortable asking for help of any kind and I have a problem receiving in general (that is an issue I have to conquer).  In fact, I have never asked or received money from anyone in my family.

I just wrote about judgment earlier this week so I will refrain from judging him.  All I can say is how different we are.  I also have to say that his attitude is hurtful as well as very unappealing to me.  He has consistently acted this way.  I find it hard to want to spend time with him.  In my cellular structure, I am of the belief that if I am able to I give help without waiting to be asked, especially if it's a family member or a close friend.  The only condition I give myself is that I have to be well first to be able to help others.

I remember being inspired when reading Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame as a little girl, someone in that novel (I haven't read it since then so I don't recall the name of the character) was willing to give his life for someone else.  That may be an extreme act but I remember it was very inspiring to read about such a selfless and giving act.  I would consider doing something similar if and when I'm ready to go to the other side.

On the flip side, I have a friend who is the opposite of my brother.  She's at the other extreme.  She will help everyone and compromise herself constantly as a result of that.  That is also not helpful to her and sometimes, it's also not helpful to the people she is trying to help.  They end up depending on her for everything while they could be learning to fend for themselves, learning to be independent.  My friend ends up putting herself in highly pressurized situations financially and otherwise.  She doesn't have to be constantly struggling as a result of giving too much of herself and her resources.

There is nothing better than being self-sufficient and independent.  At least for me.  My grandmother always talked about that. She felt it was not appropriate for a woman to be asking her husband for money for her essential needs or for anything.  She felt women should have their own money and buy whatever they want and when they want it.   I know she was talking about women within our culture and background that have the opportunity to study and the opportunity to work. Not all women are so lucky.

In the end, we will all behave as our nature dictates.  In my case, had my brother given me some empathy and words of encouragement that would have gone a long way to help me.  Yes, winning the lottery would also help but I'm not counting on that!

So when a friend or family seems in trouble, suggest you start by being empathetic...

Today

Today is all we have.

And that is the truth.  I have been worrying about what will happen in September or October.  What a waste of time.  I can't predict it.  No one can.

Even though I have tried to get a glimpse of the future, it's a very flawed endeavor.  Things change.  Maybe for good reason.  Is it the planets?  Is it destiny?  Is it because my energy is not aligned so no matter what I do I will not move forward?  Is it Mercury Retrograde which lasts until the end of August?  Who knows which one of these forces are at work?

All I know is that I am able to plan for TODAY.  And even that sometimes doesn't go as planned.  Yes, there is a minimum of planning that must occur, saving money for an important expenditure we know it's coming, making sure surgery is not scheduled the day my sister is getting married, etc.  Other than that, what I am feeling these days about my future is as if I'm looking down a cauldron where a tornado is raging.  It's a little bit like looking into a large crystal ball only it's a big cauldron where things are happening.  There is an element of destruction involved.  Will my house be standing?  Will my car still be in the garage? There is also an element of renewal.  Why not think that starting from nothing is part of the excitement?  I could reinvent myself.  I wouldn't have "things" to worry about, no structures like home or office to consider.  Freedom.  The ultimate aphrodisiac.  I'm so ready to fly.  I'm always ready to fly.

I know there will be change in the landscape after the tornado passes but I have no idea what it will look like.  It's not easy.  As much as you brainwash yourself to believe, to have faith, to be optimistic...it's not easy.

When is the tornado over so that I can get a glimpse of the new landscape is what I say? While glimpses don't appear and signs are not apparent, I'm creating my own view of what it could look like.  In the meantime, I must focus on right now.

So today is going well.  I must refocus on the brainwashing part of the equation.  I will get through it all.  And then I'll look into the cauldron and see this beautiful garden, full of flowers of all sizes and colors.

Maybe my pink elephants will be there.  My pink elephants.  I miss you so. 

Judgment

I am conscious when I'm judging others.  It does happen although I try to curtail that kind of behavior as much as I can.  Sometimes it sneaks by all my established controls.

It's hard.  It helps if I think that we are all so different.  We have different genes, different home environment, different schools, different everything even if we may live in the same town or the same country.  Understanding that while we may seem the same we are all different for a myriad of reasons.  That helps me in not going all out in judging others.

A friend called me today from Italy.  She was asking about one of my brothers.  She couldn't understand why my brother doesn't behave in the same indifferent way as her brother.  She said her brother doesn't call her, doesn't communicate with her and shared many other things she's unhappy about.  I tried to explain her brother is a separate, unique, human being.  Different values, different family dynamics, different person, etc., etc.  It was difficult for her to understand that.  She kept comparing our respective brothers.  I know the focus was on the wrong place.  She couldn't understand he was a separate human being than she was and that her expectations had no place in the context of how he was behaving when push came to shove (American expression that, in this context, means that he would behave whichever way he wanted to behave).

Dare I say that the most important difference we have with each other is our soul?

I think that's where it starts. It's about our souls.  We have different souls.  Some of us are old souls, some of us are younger souls.  So respecting differences are paramount.  We don't have to understand how people's priorities, desires, and motivations may be so different.  What we need is to accept is that we are different and go on from there.

We can't be in somebody's else's skins.  We don't know what is in their hearts and souls. So I propose less judging and more accepting.  Live and let live.  Is it possible?