I Am

My birthday was last week.  I love my birthday despite the fact that the numbers seem to consistently go up.  I have decided that from this birthday on, my numbers are moving downwards, not upwards!  After all, it's my birthday!

I have had many existential dilemmas lately. I usually wonder about things like what am I doing here and why does this happen now, where will I be next year, etc., etc.  Basically, I am trying to find some logic to life and I mostly come up empty handed.  I explore unconventional avenues to find out more about the unknown believing that there is so much more out there that we may access for guidance.  Nonetheless, I still swim in murky waters when it comes to having a clear picture of my life and all of its complexities.

So I try to live day-by-day.  That seems much easier than trying to predict the future, even if we are talking about next week.

Going back to my birthday.  I decided to have a peaceful picnic by myself.  My family invited me to dinner that night and I wanted to just sit by the river - my most favorite place in the world is in front of a river or an ocean - and read the New York Times in the afternoon.  You would think you can't do that in New York but New York has everything!  Including the possibility of sitting by the river.  So wonderful!

Of course, a celebration would not have been complete for me unless I had a chilled rosé wine and ate a delicious lobster roll.  I could see boats of all sizes and colors parading their sails as peacocks parade their beautiful tails.  It was perfect.

Then the phone rang,   A very dear friend was calling me to congratulate me on my birthday from a far away land.   When we hung up, I realized that I exist to a great degree because I exist for my friends and family.  Not only because they care about me but because they remember me and they bring me into their lives.  I also exist for them when I bring them into my life when important things happen or simply when they reach out to me for help and I am there.  Present.

Still so much to figure out.  Understanding how I exist in my family's and friend's lives extends my sense of being to a degree I wasn't conscious before.  It makes me feel immortal in some ways because I'll always exist in their lives even though once I go to the other side I will pick up a different communication line other than the phone.  It will be a more direct and more constant way of communicating.  They will hear me if they pay attention.

How great is that?

I am sticking around in this planet to find out what comes next and where I make my mark in this world although I vividly remember how the other side is such an amazing place.  I still remember my pink elephants, and the infinite beauty of an endless garden with flowers of all colors and types.  I also remember all those crystal buildings with light shining from and through them (please read Pink Elephants posted on February 24th).  I have two earthly feet planted firmly on this planet and one spiritual foot here while my other spiritual foot is definitely home.  Not rushing to get there but it feels good to know it's there.