Blessings and Peace

Anger is probably a good topic to write about when you are seething in outrage as I am. We'll get to the blessings later since that's probably a phase I haven't completely entered yet. I received an email from someone I had interviewed with last week. She completely misrepresented the facts of the interview.  She even had the gall to list questions that she didn't make during the interview and state that I had answered inadequately to these imaginary questions.

It's been already a few days since the email but while my anger has abated I still feel enough of it that I know that I should refrain from writing back to set the record straight.  I read once that you should always use the "You Dumb Ass" rule when writing back to someone that has made you angry.  If the phrase "You Dumb Ass" fits well at the end of the email you should not send it.  Since I can still come up with even more appropriate and colorful adjectives than dumb ass, I figured I'm not ready to respond yet.

Refraining from communicating with anger in verbal or written form is the only way to communicate whether it's in a personal or professional context.  When communicating verbally, anger just stirs the fire even more and the recipient of the anger usually reacts with a similar tone and the issues escalate because both parties end up trying to outdo the other in the quality and strength of the insults.  That sets the relationship back instead of forward because words have power and they are not easily forgotten.  When communicating in writing, it is slightly less explosive because it cannot get physical but it is just as damaging to the relationship because the words are permanent.  When hearing something that is insulting one may choose to forget some of the content but it is impossible to forget the words when the email may be read again and again ad infinitum.

Regardless of the issue, responding in anger hinders your ability to effectively communicate what you want.  In my case, I am taking as much time as I need to deal with the issue in a better way for me.  I'm not even thinking of what the best way for the offender is, I will first think through what is the best approach for me.  My intent is to objectively focus on the facts and not call her the many names that come to mind as I write this post!

I am now entering the phase of how blessed I am to not having to even come close to working with or for this woman.  Focusing on being grateful for seeing this woman clearly is more valuable and helpful than focusing on the lies that she concocted about me.

Peace.

Pink Elephants

I have been to the other side.  I have the ability to remember what it was like.  When I was about 4-5 years old I talked to my mother about it all the time.  She thought it was funny and had me describe this world I was so familiar with to her and her friends.  In my world, there were pink elephants in a beautiful, lush, garden full of flowers of all sizes and colors. It was a magical place where everyone was happy.  People didn't need to be courageous or struggle through anything - they could just be and exist in peace and harmony.  I also remember I was able to fly.  My mother and her friends thought I had a fertile imagination. I knew I was talking about my world to them, one that I longed for and missed.

I have never forgotten that world and I still long for it.  It is, after all, my home.  I have since said goodbye to a few people that were here and left all of a sudden and are now waiting for me there.  They help me while I am here but they really want me to be there.  So it is a bit of a tug and pull.  I have chosen again and again to stay here though admittedly a few times it's been without strong conviction.

I recently read an article about extending life.  As much as I have chosen to be here right now, I am also looking forward to my return home.  I know I don’t really belong here; I have a mission to fulfill which hopefully I will achieve.  I belong elsewhere.  I belong where there is only light and most buildings are made out of clear crystal, where love abounds, where understanding reigns and the word impossible is not part of the language.

My mission here is to be a teacher.  I say that with humility because it sounds arrogant to me.  Sometimes I am a teacher in the strangest of circumstances because many of my teaching experiences have demanded that I pay a high cost in earthly terms and some are filled with high drama that others cause.  Maybe it’s the drama that gives me the opportunity to drive the teachings home. I also learn some valuable things in the process.

I’m not sure I would come back one more time; I can also be a great teacher in spirit.  I could be talked into coming back if more kindred souls come with me and commit to being around me.   It could be another fun and exciting ride so I haven’t fully decided yet.

While I am here I will do my best.  What keeps me going is the love of the few kindred souls around me.  There may not be many but they fill my heart and soul and keep pumping life into my spirit in this earthly body.

For that, I am very grateful.  It doesn’t make life just bearable; it makes it an amazingly rich and worthwhile experience!

It's about the messages

Artists have been representing real life in symbolic ways for centuries, both in terms of paintings, sculptures and other art forms.  Similarly, I have chosen to represent my real life experiences by altering some aspects of the stories that I don't consider relevant to the higher level messages I think about and want to convey.  Therefore, I have changed some of the context - which sometimes includes changing the gender of the people involved, cities and other details.  In the case of some of my stories, what interests me are the ethics and humanity that people exhibit in carrying out their lives.  Those are the issues I focus on, not their gender.  There are many other things that interest me and that I will be writing about as time permits.

In addition to wanting to write about my interests, there are so many universal themes in people's lives that maybe people reading the posts will think about their own lives with a different lens.  While it's not the goal of the blog, that would be a great outcome!

In addition to wanting to focus on the higher level messages when I write, it's also a question of privacy.  I am glad to share as much as I want to share about my life in what is a public blog as long as it doesn't compromise my privacy.  If I was famous and writing my autobiography for publication, more attention to the truth would be desirable.  I don't want to be famous nor do I think that the nitty gritty details of my life are necessary or important in the bigger scheme of things.

Writing has always helped me get a different perspective on my own experiences.  By taking the role of  a reporter, I can more easily detach from the myriad of experiences that living in this world entails - and hopefully select to write about those things that are important to me for one reason or another.  Maybe it'll be a funny story every once in a while!

Just like Picasso painted women as colorful, one-dimensional, sets of lines and circles, I will continue to write stories that though may not be 100% aligned with the real details,  may spark the imagination and new ways of thinking in anyone that reads them.

Memories

I had the long-awaited interview today.  I went to a building in Westchester County that brought back countless and wonderful memories.

Before I even tell that story, I will share the back drop.

Last night, I received an email from someone else I interviewed with last week in another company.   The attraction for me was the company,  a very creative and innovative company.  The woman that interviewed me was obviously not interested in me.  She was probably told to interview me because I had already interviewed with two of her superiors in the past and they were impressed with me.  Suffice it to say that when she interviewed me her questions lacked focus and depth.  I was still hoping for a second interview because I was more interested in the company than in the woman doing the interviewing although it seemed I would work for her.  Minor detail.

Her email was insulting.  She made up the story that I had not done as well as other candidates in answering a few questions which she then listed.  The irony - or disgrace - is that she hadn't asked me most of these questions during the interview! I guess there are unethical people everywhere!  Very creepy!

I started responding to her email last night but I was so incensed at its tone and lies that I decided not to reply and wait a couple of days to cool off.  However, I was wound up and couldn't get to sleep until around 3:00 a.m.  I had to wake up at 5:00 a.m. to do my meditations and head to Westchester county to the other interview.

I left my house at 6:30 a.m. and drove as fast as I could within reasonable speed limits and arrived about 45 minutes early - always a good thing - and waited for 8:00 a.m. in the parking lot.  Once I entered the building I waited for the senior executive for several minutes until I heard that he was at a different building nearby.  Once I got to the other building, we went to the cafeteria and had breakfast together.  It was a great meeting!

He had to leave to go to another meeting and I stayed in the cafeteria.  On my way upstairs I realized that all the art work hanging in the cafeteria and in the halls was the same artwork that hung from a building I used to work in years ago.  A building where I was very happy working with amazing people on large and complex projects.  It was also a building where my father worked for a few years.  It was a lot of fun and a great feeling to have my father there, we would go to lunch whenever we could and I would go visit him during the day to say hello.

As I walked down the halls admiring the artwork, tears started pouring out of my eyes.  I don't cry often but I could see all this artwork - several pieces - exactly as they hung in the corridors in the other building.  I could also see  my friends and colleagues laughing and walking around to the various meetings or to have coffee in the cafeteria and felt the same energy I had felt a few years ago when I was part of it.   I saw the plants inside the building, the stairs, the ceiling to floor windows and looking out of these windows, I could see the Canadian gueese that were always roaming around the moat.  I saw everything through my heart's eye in technicolor and full 3D scenes.

The building was sold a few years ago.  The good memories are deeply embedded in my heart.

Dreams

As in the case of a prism – and many complex topics – the topic of dreams has many sides.  I will write a fair amount about dreams in my blog because I have been enchanted by the connection between what is real and what is an illusion or a dream.  This is something I started thinking about when I was five or six years old and I had to figure out what it meant to be in school without my parents being there and had to reconcile myself with their absence.  I am also intrigued by the connection of having a dream, going after the dream and achieving it as well as many other aspects related to dreams that will be expanded upon in future posts.

This is one of the many things Carl Jung said about dreams: 

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens.”

This quote is brilliant because it is the extreme opposite of what most people would think Jung could have said about dreams.  One would think that he would say that one "who looks inside, dreams"...particularly since dreaming has also theoretically been thought as opening the door to the unconscious. 

I’m not going to delve into the nuances of Jung’s spiritual approach to dreams against Freud’s sexual beliefs on the interpretation of dreams -- or against any other school of thought.   To do that well I would have to conduct a few days of research to remember all that I have read in the past about these subjects.  While I would be getting an extreme amount of pleasure rereading these books, I am looking for a job right now so my postings have to limit themselves to my day-to-day experiences and, in this case, my dreams. 

I have a very important interview tomorrow.  I am very excited about it.  Job would be in one of the companies I admire the most in the world.  If I’m supposed to get hired, I will be.  I certainly have all the skills for most great jobs there. 

I had two different dreams in the past two days about this interview.  On Saturday I was pondering what to wear for it.  I thought maybe a suit would be appropriate as I am focused on an executive-level position there.  Most companies nowadays have a casual dress policy and it’s important to be in tune with that.  On the other hand, one should also reflect the importance of the occasion (the interview) and the type of job one is pursuing. The thought lingered in the back of my mind although I knew I would come up with the right decision. 

That night I dreamt that I was in the office. I was sitting next to a former boss who was always dressed very elegantly.  At that time, he wore different hand-made suits and shirts, always had every hair in place, silk tie knotted perfectly, etc.  In the dream, he was wearing this bright orange sweater, a cream colored open shirt and very light green pants.  A cornucopia of colors!  Nearby there was a long and wide corridor filled with people dancing to hip hop music as there was an aerobic class taking place.  In my dream, I couldn’t get over the fact that all this activity was going on right in the middle of the workplace.  I remember looking at my former boss with fondness, not caring at all whether what he was wearing fit or not in this office setting.   He was still the nice and very smart man he always was.   

Last night I had another dream.  I dreamt that I had to go through a lot of papers to synthesize information and the work was very tedious and overwhelming.   Nevertheless it needed to get done and I did it well.  The next scene was of me lying with my face to the floor, a lot of blood around me as I had been shot in the back of my left leg.  Whether it was during the dream or just as I was waking up I thought this dream was about the last place I worked at where I was “shot in the back” or backstabbed.   I woke up feeling very happy that I was no longer in that nightmarish place!

For me, the interpretation for both dreams is clear.  Irrespective of that, I am wearing a suit and I will go to my interview fully confident, anticipating one of the very best meetings I have ever had.  It helps that the senior executive I am meeting with is someone I met recently on the phone and he is extremely charming and nice.  What I like the most about him was that he is a great storyteller; he had me living his experiences in a foreign country as if I was there with him!

We'll see what I dream about tonight!

A night in New York

I went out to dinner with a friend last night.  We had been thinking of going to one of the two Bobby de Niro restaurants in the area but, at the last minute, spontaneously decided to go to a new place.

We went to a restaurant in my neighborhood that we hadn't been to before and we were surprised to find out there was a show during dinner.  There was a pianist, a singer and three dancers - all dressed as if they were in the early 1900's.  The piano and the microphone also looked like they belonged in a speakeasy and the restaurant itself was a throwback from another era with blue velvet in some of the seating areas and a beautiful, large, chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the center of the restaurant.

The restaurant was almost full.  I saw an acquaintance of mine leaving with his partner at some point.  I met him a couple of weeks ago when I met with him to interchange ideas about his fledgling business.  We said hello to each other although I wasn't quite sure he recognized me.  I couldn't introduce him to my friend because I drew a blank and couldn't remember his name.  That was a little awkward.  The food was excellent and gave credit to the high Zagat rating it was awarded.  Then the pianist and a singer appeared and the fun began.  Their performance was intermixed by songs performed by the dancers who came in two's or separately at different phases of the show.

There was a married couple in front of us that looked bored.  They were in their late 30's and he rolled his eyes when one of the dancers started singing a very funny song about selling nuts and doing a slow and mild striptease ending with no bra and tassels. The woman with the bored husband would look at us every so often to see if we approved and when she saw we were having fun, she started enjoying the show as well.  Having fun is contagious!  The striptease was elegantly done...it reminded me of the Crazy Horse show in Paris where you see nudity but it is very tastefully done. The Crazy Horse shows are a few notches above what I saw last night because it's highly sophisticated but it's all the way in Paris and this was pretty good for a neighborhood place! All three dancers did some sort of striptease singing old songs and throwing their gloves, bras, and plumes to the audience...

The music was from before anyone in the restaurant was born, a bit of Cole Porter, a little bit of Edith Piaf and many songs I never heard before.   One song in particular was beautiful and the interesting thing is that there is no known author.   Here is the version of the same song by Perry Como:

Lyrics 

I’m confessin’ that I love you . . .
Tell me, do you love me too?
I’m confessin’ that I need you,
Honest I do, need you every moment!
In your eyes I read such strange things,
But your lips deny they’re true . . .
Will your answer really change things,
Making me blue?

I’m afraid someday you’ll leave me,
Say’n can’t we still be friends?
If you go, you know you’ll grieve me,
All in life on you depends . . .
Am I guessin’ that you love me?
Dreamin’ dreams of you in vain,
I’m confessin’ that I love you,
Over again!

I’m afraid someday you’ll leave me,
Say’n can’t we still be friends?
If you go, you know you’ll grieve me,
All in life on you depends . . .
Am I guessin’ that you love me?
Dreamin’ dreams of you in vain,
I’m confessin’ that I love you,
Over again!


I must confess (forgive the pun!) that I fell in love with this song! I had not heard it before.  It was cleverly written and it's all about the disjointed - and almost schizophrenic - experience of loving someone that may not love you back.   And how while the desire to be friends is there if the person doesn't love you back, being friends may not be possible.  It's a  good example of the tug of war that ensues between two people that may or may not be feeling the same about each other.

It made me think how exciting and fun it is to have the experience of loving someone and not knowing if we have that person's love.  That's a great stage in a relationship because while there is a level of angst there is also the expectation that something wonderful may happen to transform the doubt into the certainty that we won that love.  It's the kind of win that goes beyond winning anything else in life because it fills the heart with joy and anticipation of more love to come.

It is a much better feeling than already knowing it's not going anywhere...or it goes somewhere and then it doesn't work out and while it gets resolved one is in love limbo.  I should include that sometimes it works out but sustainability of the relationship becomes the challenge!

A great feeling and a great song!  Enjoy!

Purpose and Meaning

In my February 3rd post on Freedom, I write about Einstein’s question on whether the universe is a friendly or unfriendly place.  I answer his question by saying that, in my experience, it is mostly friendly and sometimes hostile and I make that comment in the context of some of my professional dealings with people. In my February 9th post on Avatars I also question the appropriate use of technology and state that technology may be used very effectively for the good of society but that I also believe that much is lost in translation when it replaces human interactions.  These are topics that are perennially in my mind along with others.

In the blogosphere, I came upon a summary of an interview a reporter had with Einstein where thoughts on this topic are further elaborated (no source was provided).  I am sharing it to provide more depth to Einstein’s question.  The interview also informs my own questions related to the universe and technology in my referenced posts and expands further to other areas worth thinking about.  Here is a summary of the interview:

Albert Einstein was approached by a reporter during an interview and asked something to the effect of, "Dr. Einstein, you are recognized around the world as one of the most bona fide geniuses of our century, maybe of human history. Your scope of thinking has covered the workings of the universe from the tiny atom to the cosmos. You have seen your discoveries both evolve and enrich, and also mutilate and destroy the human life you so highly value. What, in your opinion is the most important question facing humanity today?"

Characteristically, Einstein stared off into space for a moment, and then looked down at the ground in front of him. Finally he looked back at the reporter and replied, "I think the most important question facing humanity is, ‘Is the universe a friendly place?’ This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves.

"For if we decide that the universe is an unfriendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to achieve safety and power by creating bigger walls to keep out the unfriendliness and bigger weapons to destroy all that which is unfriendly—and I believe that we are getting to a place where technology is powerful enough that we may either completely isolate or destroy ourselves as well in this process.

"If we decide that the universe is neither friendly nor unfriendly and that God is essentially ‘playing dice with the universe’, then we are simply victims to the random toss of the dice and our lives have no real purpose or meaning.


"But if we decide that the universe is a friendly place, then we will use our technology, our scientific discoveries and our natural resources to create tools and models for understanding that universe. Because power and safety will come through understanding its workings and its motives."

(End of Interview)

What is fascinating about Einstein’s thoughts is that he places the burden of the answer to the question of whether the world is an unfriendly or friendly place on how we think about the universe.

I will read more about Einstein and continue this discussion with more information but seems to me that he is saying what we have learned in the past few decades, that our thinking creates reality.  My interpretation of this interview with Einstein is that he believes that the power of the mind alone and how we think about the universe is causal, it determines actual outcomes in terms of technology isolating and destroying us or we use the power of technology to understand the universe and are safe as a result of that understanding.

I choose to take the optimistic stance in thinking that the universe is friendly with the caveat that there is a small group of people in the universe that are downright unfriendly.

I also don’t believe that God is “playing dice with the universe” but rather it is our work while on earth to figure out what is our purpose and then concentrate on fulfilling that purpose – whatever that may be.

Per my post yesterday, Spiritual Teachers, one of my missions in life is to be a teacher and that is expressed in different ways.  I am also focusing on figuring out other reasons for being…I know there must be others.

What is your purpose in life?  What gives meaning to your life?

Spiritual Teachers

I have been thinking about teachers and teaching moments lately...

I have concluded that one of my roles in this life is to be a teacher...I say that with humility because all I have to share are the lessons I learned either in another lifetime or in this one. Sometimes I do it willingly because I am focused on helping another person or I am thrust into a situation where as a result of having to stand up for my truth and integrity, I model that behavior for others.  I strongly believe that modeling behavior - good and bad - gives the choice to others to adopt similar behavior.  In the case of modeling good behavior, it also helps shift the consciousness of the universe towards the light.

In those very few instances where I have been thrust into a situation where I have to stand up for my beliefs and ethical standards, I make evident where the ethical issues are by documenting what transpired.  I also describe the damage it caused to the people involved which then translates to a negative impact to the company.  Documented facts are difficult to hide from and they become a necessary ingredient to stating the truth.

At my last job, my boss back stabbed me because she felt threatened by me.  I had a dream the other night and I saw the moment she shifted her attitude towards me out of fear for her job.  I had had a meeting with another executive that was working with my boss on a project that cost millions of dollars. This project was supposed to yield innovative ideas for the future.  However, the ideas that resulted from about 6 months of work were not at all innovative, they had already been discussed internally as run of the mill logical ideas to pursue before a consulting firm was involved and millions of dollars were spent.

As a result of this fiasco the executive I met with on a different topic spoke in very negative terms about my boss.  I was frustrated about the whole project because I had the experience and know-how to lead it, and had put my name as a candidate to be the project executive.  My boss thought this was her chance to shine so didn't want me involved.  I then met with my boss and summarized the meeting I had had with the executive.  My intention in communicating this to my boss was to be transparent and I communicated it in a sensitive and factual manner.  This was the moment I dreamt about a few days ago and surely when my boss felt that I was a threat to her.

Once she back stabbed me by lying about work-related weaknesses I supposedly had to justify moving me to another area - I was so well documented that  it became evident she had lied about these - I confronted her and asked her how she could do that, what was she doing lying about me and back stabbing me,  that this was unethical behavior that she did not need to engage in, etc., etc.  She looked at me and didn't say anything.  I know she grasped the message and that it was a teaching moment for her but she didn't have the guts to reverse the damage she had made.  Another teaching moment was the document I left for the top executives to read once I resigned my position.

This was an extreme situation where I felt forced to resign my position.  I could have stayed but I would have been putting a price to my integrity and what I hold dear in my life. So I didn't have a choice.  There are other less dramatic situations where speaking up also results in turmoil and disruption but the question is, what is the price of not speaking up for things one considers important?

I don't seek opportunities to be a teacher where I pay a brutal price for it, I would prefer not to have to do it anymore.  Somehow I think that life will present me with those opportunities again and the price I will not pay is to compromise my integrity.  I hope that the truth will prevail next time and that I am not forced to take any extreme measures such as resigning.

In the situations where I am helping others by sharing my life lessons, I don't pay any price.  I get rewarded by the infinite satisfaction of having someone make more informed choices.  They may not be the choices I would have made but they are informed choices which makes all the difference to me.  I respect the fact that we all have to find our own paths.  

For you...

Today is one more day – of the many days in the five years since his trip – when I send love to my best friend.  Today he also reminds me that love is eternal.

A psychic told me some years ago that he was my brother in another lifetime.  That made perfect sense to me because we recognized each other immediately and we were definitely family.  

I miss him.  He inspired me, validated me, valued me, understood me, and helped me remember that impossible was just a word.  Carpe Diem was his mantra and he lived that truth faithfully every second of his life.  He made me laugh at the silliest and, at the same time, the most profound things in life.  He spoke from the heart and was probably the most authentic person I ever met.  He was an amazing teacher and mentor but most of all he was always my dearest friend.  His light was so bright I was sometimes blinded by it – but he guided me through so that I could see.  If I could shine a similar light to others…that alone may justify my existence. 

He was such an incredible friend that he left me the most valuable gift he could when he left – his family.   What a gift!

He’s still around me.  He sends me messages of hope.  He tells me that there are more victories in my future.  He told me to start the year with a greater vision, that the dream is still alive.  That this is my year.  

Tonight part of my family in New York will get together to celebrate our love for each other and as usual, there will be a fourth chair for him. There will be many more chairs for him all over the world…

Victory!

I join my brothers and sisters in Egypt (and those all over the world that champion a world of freedom and peace) in celebration of winning the first step towards democracy.  The people spoke loudly that they no longer tolerated a repressive and corrupt autocratic regime they did not choose and they have now taken control of their destiny.  Mubarak embodies a way of thinking that exists only through fear, corruption and intimidation...a way of thinking that thrives in the midst of darkness and that we must all reject.

I hope that the 30-year old pent-up energy that the Egyptian people have held for so long is channeled in the most positive, constructive, and peaceful way.  Over the past 18 days, it has become obvious that the Egyptians love their country and, as they showed the world, they had the faith and the energy to oust an intolerable government.  This love and energy can only inspire and fuel their ability to build long-term peace and prosperity for all Egyptians.  

The U.S. and its allies - and all people of conscience - must continue to support what are basic rights for everyone in the world, the right of all to be free, to have a voice and to be able to choose their governments without fear.

It's a time for all of us to join in and celebrate this momentous day!

What happened in Egypt today is moving the consciousness and the spirit of millions of people all over the world from the shadows to much needed light...

It's challenging...

For the most part I keep busy and focused on what I need to do to get a job and live a fulfilling life by doing what I want to do.  The part I am not good at is to ask for help from people I know.  I will build a strategy to get in touch with some friends that could be of assistance by connecting me to others or letting me know of opportunities in their companies.

Asking for help in itself is challenging for me…I would much prefer to find my way alone but that doesn’t work as well.  I am ready to help others all the time so my next thought is, why not get over it and ask for help?

Another challenge I face – although very infrequently - is when negative thoughts start coming in…that is when what I have been working on doesn’t manifest or when what does manifest is not what I want.  Then doubts creep in and I feel nothing is moving. 

Then I work hard at psyching myself out of that mindset, a mindset which is not productive at all.  I remember that while what has manifested is not what I want, it did appear so something is in fact moving.  I remember that the mantra to live by is to have faith and believe.  That says it all.  I was feeling slightly doubtful last night but this morning I leapt out of bed saying to myself: “This will be a great day.” 

I followed up on two key people at companies I have been in touch with in the past few weeks and started thinking of a strategy to talk to other people I haven’t talked to that many so they may not even know I am looking for a job. 

Everything else will flow from feeling good, believing all is possible and being grateful.

Avatars

Just saw a PBS program called Digital Nation.  Fascinating.  I will watch it again because I was unable to see it in its entirety.

It's very well done because it is thought provoking.  It challenges the idea that access to technology by everyone is a good thing.  In one of the segments it also discusses the Proteus effect, which is the ability of people to think differently about themselves (and act accordingly) if, for example, they create an Avatar that is both attractive and taller.   Seems in our society being taller is perceived by most as being powerful.  Those people that create taller Avatars are able to be bolder and more effective in their negotiations with others and those that create attractive Avatars get closer to the people they are talking to and are more confident about sharing information about themselves.  Seems that once these real people have these experiences through their Avatars their minds absorb this information and they are able to enact similar behavior in real life. As Dr. J. Bailenson, Director of the Virtual Human Interaction Lab at Stanford University says, "if it looks real and feels real, the brain tells us it is real".

In another segment there is an IBM virtual meeting set in Second Life by people that have never met in person but are meeting virtually as Avatars on a daily basis to discuss business issues. While this is a way to minimize travel costs and still be able to communicate cross-geographically, it is certainly a cold way to interact with other human beings.  I question whether in the end there is effective communication between all these unreal people and whether they are able to solve problems in the same way they would have if they saw each others' faces with normal human expressions reacting in surprise, shock, happiness, etc., to the content of a business meeting.

I love technology, it's a very powerful tool.  I also enjoy progress and change.  However, in this digital age we must balance the use of technology while maintaining the richness and value of human interaction.  The ability of thought leaders and scientists to conduct reasonable longitudinal studies is hampered by the speed of change in technology and its adoption.  Technology is moving faster and faster every day and with it we have great changes that help society and other changes that are impacting our ability to be human beings.

We all need to be more thoughtful as to which technologies we and our society should adopt.  First and foremost, I submit that we must protect the depth and richness of human interactions as much as possible.

Avatars are cute but I sense something gets lost in translation...

I am 100% supportive of Avatars if I could create one to clean my house,  another one to cook meals, and yet a third one to manage mundane things like paying bills and the like :).

A voice for freedom

I have written about what it means to have personal freedom.  What’s happening in Egypt and the rest of the Arab world is inspiring me to write about what it means to have freedom as a citizen in any country.

I am not a political commentator – there are many more qualified and better informed journalists and political scientists weighing in on the topics I care about - but as a citizen of the world I speak up about politics.  I like politics mainly because in my world it gives a chance to people like myself to create their governments and their future by their ability to think, use their voices and place their votes.  Then we have to take responsibility for our elected officials since we elected them.

I have been exposed to oppressive governments, ones that are more focused on maintaining power than representing the people they govern.  I have read extensively about countries where the abuse of power and the removal of basic human rights of people that fought for their freedom and that of the rest of society is rampant.  I have watched in horror as constitutions get amended at whim to ensure that leaders with little education are able to continue governing past what the previous constitution allowed.  I have also observed the challenges of democratic countries face in striking strong alliances with countries that demonstrate complete disregard for human rights and having to hang those governments out to dry because it is not politically correct to support them once the people start speaking out against their government.

Egypt is a case in point.  Yes, the United States considers it an ally and its relationship with Egypt has been very close for decades.  Very hard to have a friend in the Arab world, a world where in the past years many of its people have spoken and acted out in hatred against the U.S. and its allies.

However, nothing good can come out of an oppressive government that uses its police force and pro-government thugs to oppress its people.  Surely we don’t know the extent of the repression that has taken place over three decades but the fact that so many people are speaking out and giving up their lives for a different Egypt, says it all.  An Egypt where Parliamentary elections are not a sham and opposition leaders may be elected, a country where the constitution does not require Presidential submission of changes to existing articles and a country where freedom of expression is respected and that allows for democratic elected governments is a minimum set of conditions for any country in the 21st century.

Reading about Egypt and the fact that 40% of its people earn less than $2 despite the country’s economic growth and multi-billion dollar assistance from its allies demonstrates a complete lack of focus on investing in its people through social programs and education as well as shows disregard of the country’s future. Keeping people in poverty is an abominable strategy for submission and many countries have followed that strategy.

It’s hard to tell how the on-going demonstrations will end but it is my hope that we do not turn our back on the Egyptian people in fear of a strengthened Mubarak retaining his power for many more years either directly or by passing the Presidency to his son.  Enough is enough.

We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg of many more shifts towards freedom in many more countries where people are still oppressed and where basic liberties do not exist.

I am praying for peace and freedom for all.

Going with the flow...

It's hard to go with the flow.  Today was a perfect example of that.  I had an important appointment  with a surgeon to get a second opinion for minor surgery that I would like to avoid altogether.   Who has time for minor surgery?  I made the appointment about 5 weeks ago and though I tried I couldn't move it up - I would have wanted to have the appointment earlier than today.  I had to take the train to his office in Great Neck from Manhattan and checked the train schedule a couple of times over the week-end to make sure I made it on time.

I woke up a little earlier than usual, meditated, had breakfast and left with plenty of time to make the 9:19 a.m. train to Great Neck.  I arrive at Penn Station and check the large board above the ticket agents and I see that the time of departure to Great Neck is 9:49 a.m.  I don't believe it so I wait on line until I can ask the ticket agent about the details of the trip after buying my ticket and she asks me to go to the left to another booth where there is a long line of people trying to get information.  Grand Central Station is light years ahead in operational efficiency since all ticket agents have all the information passengers need in addition to having an information booth.

Unfortunately the information booth agent confirms that the train leaves at 9:49 a.m. which means I would arrive 40 minutes late to this appointment.  I find it hard to believe but it's a fact.  It's too late to rent a car and a taxi is out of the question.  I call the doctor's office to reschedule and the assistant tells me that there have been random changes to the train schedule due to all the winter storm problems and I reschedule my appointment for next week.  I feel lucky I don't have to wait several weeks again!

This change of plans left me unfocused, I didn't know where to direct my energy for the rest of the morning.  I had the day planned around this trip to Long Island and all of a sudden everything changed.  There are good changes, bad changes and seemingly inconsequential changes like not being able to make it to a meeting.   However, not making the train as planned took me off balance because I have been very focused on it for weeks!

There are people that have issues with traffic as they are headed to the airport and end up not making flights that either crash or have mechanical issues and don't leave for hours.  Or in other cases,  by someone missing their flight they end up meeting the man or woman of their dreams.  I haven't heard any news about trains not making it to Great Neck nor have I met the man of my dreams as a result of not making this train.

I ended up confirming that I looked up the train schedule incorrectly.  When I checked the train schedule on-line, I checked it on a Saturday and then on a Sunday without realizing I had to request to view schedule on a week-day!  Since I like to find hidden messages - or at least some kind of explanation - I concluded I probably didn't really want to go to the appointment.  The other thought that crossed my mind that maybe the doctor was having a bad day today and he will be more focused next time.

Sounds complicated?  It is! It's very hard to know which forces were at play today...maybe the mishap may just be easily explained by my own inefficiency at looking up the schedule without any hidden forces at play.

It is challenging to direct our energy effectively into anything and once we do, we may not even want what we have been focusing on after all.  While I may not want to get the need for the surgery confirmed, I will be headed to Great Neck again next week and I will make it to the right train.  And hopefully, the doctor will be very focused.

Tomorrow I get back on track, refocusing my energy on the job hunt as today ended up being a distracting day.  At least I have the train ticket already!

Trust

Definition of Trust by Dictionary.com (noun):  Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing; confidence.

As a follow-up to yesterday's post on Freedom, one of the many lessons I learned from my negative experiences during my career is that one shouldn't trust others so readily.  In the past, I assumed people were as good as they seemed to be and trusted them accordingly.  Trust is a gift to be bestowed on those that prove themselves worthy of that gift.

While I am still the professional I have always been I am less believing of others' integrity, particularly when they lack the skills and knowledge that their job demands.  If they are lacking in obvious areas they will feel insecure about their own abilities against those of others - and that doesn't always bode well for talented professionals that work with or for them.

I am neither bitter nor distrustful of people but I am more neutral in my approach to people I don't know very well.  As Nietzsche said "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now I can't believe you."

What I gained in the process is complete trust and confidence in myself.  I also trust in my ability to create my future by focusing on the present.  And, I continue to be fascinated by the changing nature of  life and the surprises it brings.  

Freedom

I invited some close friends for dinner last night.  One of them shared his pleasure at seeing someone that had treated him badly finally get what was due to him which brought back to my mind a topic I have thought about for a while.  I should add that I don’t judge my friend – or anyone for that matter – for being forgiving or not.  We are all different and there is no right or wrong way to deal with being treated poorly, being betrayed, etc.

In my case, there have been a few situations during my career where I have been deeply wounded by people who set out to harm me for no apparent reason than to protect themselves from the imaginary threat that my competence in the face of their incompetence and insecurities represented.  This sounds unbelievable but it is true.  Before I tell my story, I should add that the majority of the people I worked with are extraordinary people most of whom I still communicate with – our relationship was based then and now on mutual respect and trust.

Back to the evil people.  Each situation was different but what these people had in common was lack of humanity and in one case the person involved was also cruel.  At least one of the people had a recognized personality disorder (by others) and two other people also suffered from deep insecurities.  All were able to lie and act in a cowardly fashion to achieve their goals.  It’s scary to think that there are people like that everywhere.

While these were isolated bad experiences I had countless positive experiences where I was recognized and valued for my work but the bad experiences left a mark in my heart and soul.  I took for granted the good experiences because I didn’t know the other side existed.  Unfortunately I learned more about myself and life by going through the bad experiences than with the good ones.  I say unfortunately because I don’t believe one should go through hell to learn valuable things in life.  There has to be a better way.

At first, I didn’t understand it and felt maybe it was something I had done until I realized that all I had done is do what I had done repeatedly until then – an impressive body of work.  What I certainly hadn’t done then nor do now was to pretend and fake admiration and awe towards other people as a way to protect myself professionally.  It’s not in my DNA to be duplicitous and work at getting on someone’s good side to get any benefit in return.

As history has shown again and again, there is evil in the world yet I still find it incomprehensible how people can knowingly harm others.   I realize it happens all the time – inside and outside the workplace - and I still don’t’ understand it.  Whether it’s caused by genes, the environment, mental illness…I don’t know what the root cause is, but it can be very destructive. I have not tolerated that behavior within my own teams.

In my case, since my career and my earnings were affected, the experience was personal. Answering the question that Einstein posed whether the world is a friendly or unfriendly place, I would answer mostly friendly and sometimes hostile.  Rather than live in fear of others, I have chosen to always speak up.  I used to do it when I felt my parents were being too harsh with my younger brothers as I was growing up and I do it today to stand up for others or for myself whenever it is necessary.  I speak my truth.  That for me sets the stage to have a dialogue to hopefully arrive at a place of harmony and compromise to ensure everyone’s wellbeing.  If that’s not welcomed, I stand my ground no matter the consequences because I don’t compromise my integrity.

While I haven’t figured out the root of others’ evil behavior – nor have put too much energy on that since they can figure it out with their shrinks - I have put a significant amount of thought into what forgiveness means to me.  I don’t want to carry the burden of anger, hate, and revenge in my heart because to me, that makes me closer to them than to who I aspire to be at all times – a caring human being.

I read these thoughts a while ago (I lost the source and I am paraphrasing from the blogosphere) and they helped me to get closer to a sense of forgiveness towards the people that caused me harm and pain:

At a conference with the Dalai Lama, someone asked him:  “in practicing non-violence, how do you deal with someone that is trying to harm you or acting negatively towards you?."

The Dalai Lama replied that one has to separate the action from the actor.  One must defend oneself from the action but not lose the compassionate regard for the person carrying out the action.

In a related story, the Dalai Lama granted an audience to a Tibetan monk that had been imprisoned and tortured for many years and finally made it to India.  The Dalai Lama asked him:  “What was your greatest challenge while you were imprisoned?”.  The old monk replied:  “I was afraid I would lose my compassion and love toward my captors”.

It’s going to take me a while to love the people that harmed me but I  reached a place of compassion sometime ago.

I admire people like the monk in the story and countless others that suffered in the hands of others.  Mandela is another hero to me as when he came out of his 27 years of jail time he said to himself (as he told Bill Clinton) regarding the hate he was feeling:  “They have had you 27 years, if you hate them they will still have you.  I wanted to be free so I let it go.”

While my situation does not compare to years of being imprisoned or tortured, I have learned to forgive.   I have peace in my heart and soul because whatever others attempted to do to me, I am still the person I always was while they have to carry the burden of their anger, hate, insecurities and their actions.   I am free from all of that.

As Mandela said, “A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination".

Expanding

Today I went to one of my "offices" in the neighborhood.  I call them that because even though they are accessible to the public, the fact that they exist force me to leave my beautiful home and venture out into the world to do what I need to do.  I am very productive and get a lot of work done when I go to the office.  During the day I read a few business publications and came up with a couple of new ideas, one of which I already initiated, and also  reconnected with a few former colleagues and friends on-line - all job hunting efforts that also give me pleasure because I am reconnecting with great people.

It's very nice to hibernate when it's less than 30 degrees.  I have even told my dentist I will not go out to see him unless it's over 30 degrees which makes total sense to me since his office is far from where I live.  I grew up in a very temperate climate, no extremes during any of the seasons, extremely pleasant all year round.  As much as I love New York, this winter seems to be particularly punishing to those of us from warmer temperatures.  Fortunately the groundhog brought good news this week, if you believe in his predictions - I think he's a male! -  spring will come early this year!  At a minimum that piece of news brought instant hope that soon my skin will feel normal again without being consistently attacked by blasts of high heat as well as see cherry blossoms from my window.  Walking around in less clothes would be another bonus - who can keep track of hats, gloves, scarves and other layers one has to put on to walk out the door?

It's also important to hear noises one doesn't want to hear and be out in the world to be part of it.  It's part of the expansion strategy that must take place in my life this year.  This is in every respect but particularly as it relates to my goal of finding an amazing job.  I'll do this again tomorrow.

It's a race

"There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it." Helen Keller

This quote reminds me that anyone may shine light to others.    One of the most powerful teachings during my initial (and intensive!) yoga training was that an important role we have is to elevate others.    There is enough stuff around us –whether it’s the news, family issues, health challenges, relationships that are not working, etc., etc. – that have the potential to deflate us on a daily basis.  

We cannot control the outcome of anything that happens in the external world but the good news is that we can definitely have quite a bit of control and mastery on how we feel.  Particularly when I am working towards a goal and nothing seems to be moving forward – although I know that as long as I am being proactive the energy is moving in the direction I want – I find ways to keep my spirits up.

Lately I am focused on two goals:  to get in great shape physically and to find the ideal job.  Both goals require relentless focus and discipline.  The first goal is easier to achieve because it has two simple layers:  go to the gym and do the work (treadmill, elliptical and strength training) and eat healthy food.  The second goal is more challenging because it has many layers: being inspired, getting new ideas by reading and watching key TV programming (I watch Charlie Rose whenever I can), talking to various people whether they are friends or senior executives in companies I am interested in (I have to work more on this layer!), talking to headhunters (making progress on this!), reviewing social networking sites, etc., etc. The layers constantly change because the information around me is incessantly morphing.  These two goals go together because I cannot show up for my ideal job with boundless energy if I am not physically fit.

Some of my friends are available during the day but I have established the discipline that I am working during the day on achieving my two goals – that’s my full-time day job.  Which is why I am leaving seeing friends and the writing of this blog for late afternoon or evening.  There are countless other distractions I fight to conquer on a daily basis but lately I am winning over the temptations and on the right track.

I am also considering consulting (paid and pro-bono) where it makes sense – where there may be the opportunity to help others and keep my skills fresh.  Which is why I am helping a friend redo her resume this week. I also helped a neighbor think through some high-level ideas for his business recently which I believe was helpful for him as well as for me.  Something that gives me pleasure is to think of new ideas in any context and business is an exciting area for me because it has a tremendous impact on people's lives and society at large.  I am open to other consulting opportunities assuming I will still have time to focus on the two goals I mentioned.

Being inspired, focused, fit and energized.  Only way I will get to the finish line.